My Little Parody: Friendship is Badass
by The legend itself
Summary: This is the My Little Pony story you all know and love, only this time, its told a bit more M rated. All of the Mane 6 have changed (read chapter 1 to see what they changed to) but their epic tale have not. Watch as they go through their adventures through well...MY perspective. WARNING: Could be offensive to some of you, you have been warned!
1. Chapter 1

My Little Parody: Friendship is Badass

Prologue: Character Description

* * *

Alright guys. It's me, the legend itself. Please read all of this before continuing. (well, at least the bottom part. It's kind of important) I thought this would be really fun to do. Basically my plan is to write the whole entire My Little Pony, Friendship is Magic TV show and turn it into something hilarious and, well... A tad bit more M rated. I hope you guys enjoy this. So, basically all of the characters aren't exactly like they are in the show. Well, that is the Mane 6 at least. Check it out below this if you'd like. This time, I'm really going to try to follow through with this. I don't know if you've noticed, but the only story I can really continue to write is, "The Legacy of Gage" which involves my OC, but in this, there will be no OC's what-so-ever. Also, because this is M rated, I can write my style. And by that, I mean cussing, vulgar, all the good stuff. Well, anyways, here is the characters personality changes.

* * *

Twilight Sparkle - Arrogant, Mouthy, and Powerful.

She represents the element of Badassness, if that's even a word. She doesn't really give a fuck about much, except reading her books all night and

day. Most people think she's a total dick, but she tends to keep it to herself. Most of the time. She definately looks down on everyone and is the very

definition of pride itself. However, she does have many things to be proud of. She is one of the most magical ponies ever!

* * *

Applejack - Drunk, Hardworking, and Drunk.

She represents the elements of Alcohol. She spends about half of her life and money on Beer, Vodka, and Whiskey. She is constantly drunk and if

she's not, she doesn't like to talk very much at all. Despite this, she works constantly on her apple orchard, (which usually she just makes the apples

into Applejack Daniels) and no matter how hungover she is, she will work her ass of, until her liver tells her to stop.

* * *

Rainbow Dash - Funny, Thinks she's hot shit, and crazy.

She represents the element of Fame. She is the fastest flying motherfucker in all of Equestria, or at least that's what she thinks. She always thinks

she's better than the average pony. She always does stupid things though that usually get her in trouble.

* * *

Rarity - Sexy, Naughty, and Bitchy. She represents the elements of Sexiness. Rarity is the hottest of all the bitches and she knows it. She sleeps

around quite a bit, and has even been known to, well, swing for the same team sometimes. Even with her main 5 friends. She still is rather generous

and works on many different kinds of dresses, including sexual apparel.

* * *

Pinkie Pie - High, strung out, and totally chill as fuck (when she's not on Cocaine that is)

She represents the elements of Drugs. Pinkie Pie is the town junkie and always supplies the whole town of Ponyville with drugs. "Nothing harder

than LSD! EVER!" She say's, which shows us that even she has standards. Because of her constant drug use, she is actually pretty powerful. She

expanded her mind so much she knows the future. (thats how the Pinkie sense was developed.

* * *

Fluttershy - Quiet, Evil, and Insane.

She represents the element of murder. She does away with her victims quietly, and because of her innocent appearance, is never EVER convicted of

murder. It's a good idea not to fuck with Shy, because she will fuck with you and some. Whenever she's not ripping her target's heart out, she cares

for her animals and is usually pleasant to be around. Just watch what you have to say around her AT ALL TIMES!

* * *

Well, how does that sound. Those mane 6 will replace the soft gentle ones you know and love. It'll be one hell of a ride. No doubt this will be funny as fuck huh?

Ah shit! I knew I was going to have to do this. Okay listen up! DISCLAMER: I don't own shit. You got that? This is me trying to write a funny ass story, and keep my writing skills sharp. Another thing. I know if I say this, it still won't fucking matter, but I don't want to hear it about how shitty this story is. I don't wanna fucking deal with shit that says, "How dare you make my favorite pony, Rarity and turn her into a slut" Dont wanna fucking hear it at all. This is intended for your reading pleasure only. This is for laughing purposes only. Go do something else if you have a problem with this. Do I make myself clear?

And let me tell you something right now, 1 chapter of this takes about 5 straight hours of hard work. That doesn't include proofreading it and editing it, but I do have the first chapter done okay? I'll be putting it up tonight. For more updates, please review okay?

GREAT! Now, read on and watch the madness unfold.


	2. Friendship is Magic (part 1)

Chapter 1 - Friendship is Magic, Part 1

Once upon a time, in the magical fucked up land of Equestria, there were 2 sisters. They lived and ruled together, and everything couldn't be more badass. So the oldest horse picked the suns ass up at dawn with her crazy awesome unicorn magic, and the little horse brought the moons ass to start the night. The 2 balanced the whole land and kept their subjects in line. All the different kinds of ponies. You know, because there is more than 1. It's not like Earth you dumbass! There's the boring ass earth ponies that can't do shit, then there are pegasi andthey can fly, and then there are ones with bones on their heads that are sharp as fuck, the unicorns.

Anyways, moving on. The younger sister kind of started being a bitch. All of the ponies did shit in the day because they could see thanks to her bigass  
sister, but all of them slept and didn't give 2 fucks about the night. Even though thats when all the parties happened, she had to be all ungrateful. Then one day, she became such a bitch that she didn't move the moon out of the way. The bigger sister tried to talk some sense into her, but she turned her head and said, "Whatever, I do what I want!" The bitchness in the younger ones heart transformed her into this super bitch mare called, Nightmare Moon. She told all the ponies that she was  
gonna cover the the land in darkness, which is just downright inconvenient as hell!

The big sister used the most badass of all badass magic ever created by mankind...er, ponykind. Sorry. Well, they were called the elements of harmony. She used it and beat Nightmare Moons ass to a pulp. Then, she tossed her fucked up face to the moon. The bigger sister took on the responsibility of raising both the sun and moon...

Twilight: ...and harmony has been maintained inEquestria ever since.

So, we find our main girl Twilight chilling out reading a book about the elements of harmony in the grass.

Twilight: What the fuck!? Elements of harmony huh. Goddamnit where in sam hell have I heard that before. But more importantly, why should I care?

(theme song plays yeah yeah who cares)

Now! After that, Twilight scoops the book up and puts it in her saddlebag. She trots her sweet flank down the road. She was stopped by her friends in  
Canterlot that she doesn't really care about. Hell, she doesn't even know their names. Except for Colgates because she's the only significant one. And  
she doesn't even talk! As a matter of fact, her real name in Minuette. Betcha 100 bucks you didn't know that now did you?

Well, Twilight gets stopped by those 3. You know what? Lets pretend its her that talks. No one knows who the fuck the other 2 are.

Colgate: There you are Twilight. So Moondancer is having this kickass party in the west castle courtyard. There is gonna be soooo much beer there.  
Wanna come?

The 2 ponies nobody knows and Colgate get all up in Twilight's grill, so she stepped back.

Twilight: Really? I have better shit to do with my time. Like studying. Sorry girls.

Twilight speeds off away from the 3 girls.

Colgate: Does that bitch do anything except for study?

Pony no one give a fuck about: I don't know. She needs to get laid. BIGTIME! She's more interested in  
books than getting laid anyways.

Twilight: This is gonna bug the shit out of me all day. I know I've heard of those elements somewhere.

Lyra waved at Twilight who in turn pretty much told her to fuck off and go have lesbian sex with someone. She climbed this wicked ass tower where she lives at. In her house, Spike starts to walk towards the door with a gift in his hand. Twilight busts through the door and the door bitch slapped Spike sending him flying.

Twilight: Spike you useless fuck I need you! SPIKE! SPIIIIIKE! Spike?

Spikes ass was on the floor dizzy as hell.

Twilight: There you are asshole. Now quick, find me "Predictions and Propacy's" and I won't kick your ass.

Twilight looks over to Spike, who somehow has his present on his tail.

Twilight: What the hell is that?

Spike: Well, if you must know. It was a gift for moon dancer, until you fucked everything up! Thanks!

A teddy bear makes this gay noise when it falls out. Who the fuck would give a teddy bear to some dude who's probably full grown? Only Spikes dumbass would.

Twilight: Spike you dumbass, you know we don't have time for that shit!

Spike: Newsflash asshole! Were on a break!

Twilight dropped a book on the ground and levitated its ass up like a boss. Then, she frantically looked for more books.

Twilight: No. No. No. No! FUCK! SPIKE you...

Spike: I found it!

Spike finds it in seconds right, with no magic whatsoever. Just a ladder. Twilight grabs the book with her creepy magic and Spike comes with it. He slams his face on the floor. Twilight looks at it and approves.

Twilight: AH! Thanks dude!

She drops like 15 books on the floor, then Spike has to pick all of that shit up. Twilight carefully sat the book on an pedestal and thumbs through it. And  
YES! I know ponies don't have thumbs smartass. It's an expression.

Twilight: Elements...Elements...Elements...E...E...E Hell yes. I got it! Elements of harmony. See, "Mare on the Moon"? What the fuck?

Spike: Mare in the Moon? I thought that was some piece of shit, half-assed pony's tale.

Twilight: Mare...Mare...Mare...AHA! The mare in the moon. Myth, from old pony times. A powerful pony who wanted to rule all of Equestria was defeated by  
the elements of harmony and imprisoned in the moon. Legend has it that on the longest day of the thousanth year, the stars will aid in her escape. And she will bring about nighttime eternal!

This whole time she was reading this, Spike had to clean up Twilight's sloppy mess.

Twilight: Spike! Dude! Do you know what this means?

Spike: No, and why should I give a...OH SHIT!

Spike's dumbass fell off the ladder and onto Twilight's back. How that itself didn't hurt either one of them, we will never know. Twilight used her perfect ass to buck Spike off of her.

Twilight: Alright dude, take a note to the princess.

Spike: Okey-Dokey.

Ha ha ha! Spike couldn't have said it more gayer than if Freddie Mercury tried to say it from hell.

Twilight: My dearest teacher. I've figured some awesome shit that your gonna want to read all about. I found out that we could be in some deep horseshit  
soon!

Spike: Hold on...Horse-sh-ift? Whoreshit?

Twilight: Dogshit.

Spike: UUUHHH?

Twilight: Uuhhh. Cowshit?

Spike was going to attempt to write it, but he was too damn lazy to do shit.

Twilight: Fuck me Spike, were on the brink of disaster!

Finally, that retard scribbled down Twilight's words.

Twilight: Princess, the bitch on the moon isn't actually a myth. Her name is Nightmare Moon, and she's fixing to come down here and shove her horn up  
everypony's asses. Not to mention it'll be dark all the time. We gotta kick some ass to prevent her from doing this! I await your response that sometimes  
takes hours upon hours. Your badass student, Twilight Sparkle!

Spike: (slowly) Twilight Sparkle.

Twilight: So, you know how to spell my name do you?

Spike: Yeah!

Twilight: GOOD! GOOD! I think I have some fucking dog treats for you somewhere. Now, send it!

Spike: Right now?

Twilight: Yes dumbfuck! NOW!

Spike: I don't know about that Twilight. Princess Celestia has better shit to do, like set up the summer sun celebration. And it's the day after tomorrow.

Twilight: (Happy) Ooooh! I like that movie!

Spike: Yeah, me too!

Twilight: Anyways, thats just it dude, the day after tomorrow is the thousanth year of the summer sun celebration.

Twilight looked up to the sun staring straight at it, and somehow didn't fuck up her vision.

Twilight: It's imperative that the princess is told immediately.

Spike: Impra...Impera...

Twilight: ITS IMPORTANT! GODDAMNIT!

Spike: Okay! Okay! Jeez, you don't have to be such an asshole.

Spike took a deep breath and burned the note, sending it in the air. See, if you tried to be cool and did that on Earth, it wouldn't fucking do shit except piss you off because you just burned a letter that you spent probably like half an hour on because your kids were watching Spongebob and you haven't seen that episode and it distracted you for hours. Not to mention you ran out of ink, so you had to go to walmart to get some more pens.

Spike: Okay Twilight, it's on its way, but I wouldn't hold your breath!

Twilight: I'm not worried Spike! I'm badass, and the princess thinks I'm badass!

Spike burped and then out came the princesses letter. Twilight just acted cool as fuck as usual

Twilight: What did I tell you jackass! That was like seconds. Now, read it!

Spike: AHEM! My dearest, but useless Twilight. You know I value you diligence and I trust you  
completely...

Twilight: See? Baddas, guilty as hell huh?

Spike...but you simply must lay off the weed whenever you read those crazy ass books.

Twilight: What the...

* * *

Twilight and Spike are riding in a flying chariot with 2 ponies that can fly. Spike started to read a second letter from the princess.

Spike: My bitch Twilight, there is more to your pathetic life than studying. So now you gotta set up the summer sun celebration while I chill in my  
castle and snort rush all day. This years location, Ponyville!

The clouds clear up and there is this shitty little village nestled in some mountains.

Spike: ...And, I have an even more essential job for you to do. Grab me a couple of pounds of kush from Ponyville. I'm running low. Oh and get some friends yeah yeah whatever.

Twilight: (whiney) Oh god kill me now!

Spike: Hey bitch, look on the bright side, you get to sleep in a shitty library built in a tree, doesn't that make you happy?

Twilight: Ha ha! Yes, yes it does actually. Wanna know why? Because I'm fucking right. I'm getting all that bullshit celebration crap ready first, then I'm hitting the books to find out about Nightmare Moon!

Spike: When in the hell will you make any friends?

Twilight: Fuck friends. I'm checking the preparations, then I'm done. The entire fate of Equestria doesn't rest on me making any friends now does it asswipe?

Spike: Fuck if I know.

The chariot lands and the 2 whinny like badass ponies should.

Twilight: Thanks you 2.

Then, they did that whole blowing thing they do, I'm not sure what it's exactly called.

Chariot Driver 1: So, what did I tell you?

Chariot Driver 2: Oh yeah, 10 out of 10, would bang definitely.

Spike and Twilight walk down the street as a pink pony walks to them.

Spike: Maybe the residence of Ponyville are cool as fuck Twilight.

The pink one comes over to them and stands.

Spike: C'mon Twi. Do it. Don't be a goddamn square.

Twilight: Uuhhh, hey dude!

Pinkie Pie: HOLY SHIT!

She dashed off in middair somehow which pissed both of them off.

Twilight: See that shit? Whenever I try talking to someone, they break the laws of physics!

Spike: Whatever dude.

* * *

Spike: Okay, so we picked up the princesses pot, now we gotta take care of some munchies! The food at Sweet Apple Acres.

Applejack: YEEEHAWW I'm fucked up and its ten in the morning!

The cowgirl pony with the hat was going crazy and started to buck this apple tree. All the apples fell conveniently in all of the buckets below. Twilight put her head down and sighed.

Twilight: The last thing I need is some alcoholic.

Spike and Twi walked over to Applejack.

Twilight: Good afternoon. I'm Twilight Sparkle the baddas...

With no warning at all, the cowgirl grabbed the fuck out of her hoof and shook it like a British nanny.

Applejack: Howdy do Miss Twilight! I'm hammered of my ass, can't you tell by how fast I'm shaking your hoof? My name's Applejack, uhhh I think. I like  
making new friends!

Twilight: Friends? (shaking) Actualy bi-i-i-itch I...

Applejack: So, you want some booze? Or do you need something else?

Involuntarily, Twilight shook her hoof still like crazy. Spike grabbed it while Twilight gave him that, "Fuck you!" look.

Twilight: Ahem! So dude, I'm here to supervise this whole summer sun celebration bullshit. Are you the asshole in charge of the food?

Applejack: Hell yes, and the booze! Want some?

Twilight: Well, as long as it doesn't take forever I guess a shot couldn't hurt.

Applejack rang a triangle, alerting everyone nearby that it was time once again to drink, early as hell.

Applejack: First calls for a cold one everypony!

A stampede of Applejack's imbread family comes charging down a road, and Twilight gets ran over like a fool. Somehow, they end up at a table. That's Equestria for you.

Applejack: Now, why don't I introduce yall to the Apple family!

Twilight: Thanks, but I really don't give a fuck...

Applejack: This here is Applefritter, Applebumpkin. Red delicious, Golden delicious, Caramel, Appletart, Baked Apples, Apple cinnamon crisp. AAAAND! Big  
Macintosh, Apple bloom, and Granny Smith.

Applejack shoved a pastry that was probably spiked with moonshine into Twilight's facehole.

Applejack: Up and at 'em Granny Smith! We got us some new drinkin buddies!

This shriveled up hag named Granny Smith was sleeping in a rocking chair. She woke up.

Granny Smith: Huh? WHAT! Did I pass out again? God I am so fucked up right now.

Granny Smith slowly and drunkly walkes to the rest of the apple family. Twilight has a hard time swallowing the treats. They taste way too strong.

Applejack: I'd say, your already part of the family huh new drinkin buddy?

Twilight spits the shitty food out of her mouth and is really pissed off.

Twilight: Ha ha ha! OOKAY! Now please, fuck off! I can see the food is covered Applejackass! I'm out of here.

Applebloom: (sadly) Aren't you going to stay for some shots?

Twilight: Sorry, but I don't drink at NOON! So, fuck off! I got alot of shit to do, and I need to keep a level head.

Apple family: AWWWWWW.

Twilight: Ugh. Fuck, fine.

Apple family: YAYYY!

* * *

So, about an hour and at least 10 shots came and went. Twilight was wasted.

Spike: The food is all good, as well as the booze. Next, is the weather.

Twilight: Holy shit I drank too much. I...Am...Hammered! PFT AHAHAHA!

Spike: There is supposed to be a pony who has a bigger ego than yours named, Rainbow Dash around here somewhere in the clouds.

Twilight: Well, she's doing a piss poor job, isn't she?

Then, as if on cue, Rainbow Dash tackled Twilight into the mud. Both of them were muddy as hell.

Rainbow Dash: Ha ha ha! Stupid whore! Excscuce me, but I'm best pony. At least to most of you, am I right?

Twilight: Why you insignificant little bitch you...

Rainbow Dash: Oh, I'm sorry. Let me help you!

Dashie flew to a cloud and grabbed a dark grey one. She bounced on it making rain fall from it. The result soaked Twilight's mane, leaving her even more pissed off.

Rainbow Dash: ha ha! OOPS! Are you too wet. Here, hows this? I'll Rainblow you off.

The rainbow bitch swirled around and around Twilight Sparkle.

Rainbow Dash: No, no. Don't need to thank me. I'll rainblow you anytime!

She looked to Twilight, who's mane was completely fucked up and shitty. Rainbow Dash couldn't help but laugh her tail off.

Rainbow Dash: BWAAHAHAHHAAA! AHAA! AHAA! You look like shit!

Spike: Ha haahahaha!

Both of them rolled on the floor laughing.

Twilight: So, I presume your Rainbow Dash huh?

Rainbow Dash: The one and only! Why, ever heard of me?

Twilight: Fuck no, and I don't give a shit. Your supposed to be keeping the sky clear, but your doing a shitty job. My name is Twilight Sparkle. Princess  
Celestia sent me to check on the weather.

Rainbow Dash: Yeah what the hell ever! I'll clear it whenever I feel like clearing it! I gotta practice you know.

Twilight: Practicing for what? You can't "Practice" on me.

Rainbow Dash: No no. For the wonderbolts. They are gonna perform at the celebration tommorow. And I'm gonna show them my stuff.

Twilight: Who cares.

Rainbow Dash: I care.

Twilight: The most talented flyers in all of Equestria?

Rainbow Dash: Thats them alright.

Twilight: Please, you couldn't out-fly a sick pegasus filly with stage 5 lung cancer! Not to mention they wouldn't accept a pegasus that can't do their goddamn job for shit!

Rainbow Dash: Whoa bitch! I could clear the sky before you can say, "Mountain Dew is the best soda ever made"

Twilight: Bullshit!

Rainbow Dash took the challenge and bucked and got rid of the clouds very quickly. Just by her flying by, a huge gust of wind could be felt on Twilight's face.

Rainbow Dash: What did I tell you bitch? I'd never leave Ponyville out to dry like that? You should see the look on your face. I can't wait to chill with you more girl.

Twilight: (thinking) _Wow! She really did do it before I could say, "Mountain Dew is the best soda ever made" I can't let her know that._

Spike: Damn, she's fine!

Twilight: I'm finer. Now lets go Spike.

* * *

Spike: Now, we gotta do decorations. Wow! its beautiful

Twilight: Yes, the decor is pretty badass! This shouldn't take long. I'll be back at the library quickly. They are beautiful indeed Spike.

Spike No, that fine piece of ass.

Rarity was flipping through ribbons with her magic.

Rarity: No! No. No. Oh goodness no.

Spike couldn't keep his eyes off of Rarity's flank for one second! It was impossible for him to look away.

Spike: How do I look? Do I look half as sexy as her? I'd be good with that.

Twilight shrugged her shoulders and approached Rarity.

Twilight: Good afternoon...

Rarity: Not now. I am in my perfection zone, but then again, when am I not? Look! Sparkles always makes things look kickass does it not darling? Oh Rarity, you are perfect! Now, whats up...HOLY HELL!

Twilight looked at her puzzled as fuck.

Rarity: Oh my fucking god dear. What happened to your parfeur?

Twilight: It's called a mane dumbass. And Rainbow Dash fucked it up. I'm here to check on the decorations, then I'll get out of your hair.

Rarity: My hair? It's already perfect, but what about yours?

Rarity pushed Twilight with her head to another room.

Twilight: Damnit! Stop! Where are we going? HELP SPIKE!

Spike was even more useless than before. He followed Rarity's ass with Twilight.

Rarity: No! No. No way.

She kept on throwing dresses on Twilight

Rarity: Too green, too yellow, too poofy, not poofy enough, too frilly, too shiny.

Finally, Rarity seemed somewhat satisfied with the dress she threw on Twilight.

Rarity: God you look hot in that dress. Now where were you from again darling?

Rarity grabbed a piece of cloth with her teeth to tighten up Twilight's dress.

Twilight: This...is...to...tight...Organs...coming...out...o f...MOUTH! Damnit! I'm from Canterlot.

Rarity: CANTERLOT! I'm so jealous. Everyone is so hot there and there are parties to spare. I've always dreamed of living there. I can't wait to hear every last detail darling.

Rarity got really close to Twilight.

Rarity: We are gonna be the best of friends you and I Twi!

Twilight: Oh shit! I don't like how you said my name.

Rarity: Emeralds?! Fuck, what was I thinking. Allow me to get you some rubies!

Rarity ran off, and Twilight noticed her opportunity to get the fuck out of there.

Twilight: QUICK SPIKE! We gotta get out of here before she puts a latex suit around my perfect ass!

Spike sat there still awestruck at Rarity.

* * *

Spike: Wasn't she completely fucking hot?

Twilight: Focus dumbass! What's next on the list?

Spike: Ahem! Uhhh...looks like music! It's the last one!

In the distance, birds could be heard singing all gay-like. Twilight narrowed her eyes at the Pegasus conducting the birds to sing.

Fluttershy: Okay stop, or I'll kill you.

The yellow and soft pegasus flew up to a blue bird.

Fluttershy: Look here bird. Your doing great, but your rythem is off a little bit. Fix it, or I'll gut you. Got it?

She flew back down to the ground.

Fluttershy: Lets try this shit again guys! A 1, A 2, A 1, 2, 3,

Twilight: HEY YOU...

Fluttershy: OH my god!

All of the birds flew off because of Twilight's terrifying voice.

Twilight: Aww, I'm sorry, did I interrupt you? Well, I don't care. I'm here to check on the music, and it sounded, ehhh alright.

Fluttershy sat there nervously not making any noise at all. She nervously stirred the dirt below her.

Twilight: Awkward. My name is Twilight Sparkle, whats your name?

Fluttershy: (quietly) I'm...I'm going to kill you.

Twilight: What?

Fluttershy: (quietly) I'm going to murder you for scaring my birds off.

Twilight: What the fuck are you saying?

Fluttershy: I said I'm Fluttershy!

Another awkward moment of silence went by and Twilight moved the conversation on.

Twilight: Well, Fluttershy. Looks like you got the music covered. Barely, but still. Good enough for me. See ya later bitch.

Fluttershy didn't say shit. Instead, she sat there unfazed, but still looking sad. Spike came out of the bushes.

Twilight: Well, that was easy enough. Now, lets get the fuck out of here Spike.

Fluttershy perked up bigtime as she saw Spike.

Fluttershy: HOLY SHIT! A baby dragon!

She dashed to Spike who knocked Twilight down in the process.

Fluttershy: Goddamnit! I've never seen a baby dragon before. Your soooo cute!

Spike: Well, well, well. It's about time someone noticed.

Fluttershy: Oh my god. He talks too. I didn't know these motherfuckers could talk! It's so incredibly wonderful! I...I can't believe this shit!

Twilight picked Spike up with her magic.

Twilight: Stop feeling up my baby dragon. Were out of here.

Fluttershy: Wait! What's his name?

Spike: My name's Spike girl.

Fluttershy: I'm Fluttershy. Wow! A talking dragon. Thats the coolest shit ever. What do dragons talk about.

Spikes: Lots of shit. What do you want to know?

Fluttershy: Absolutely everything!

Twilight: Fuck me, goddamnit.

Spike: Well, I started out as a green and purple egg. My parents abandoned me because they are assholes. Twilight dropped me as an egg...

* * *

Hours and Hours later...

* * *

Spike: ...And thats how I got my 4th STD! Up until today. You wanna hear about today?

Fluttershy: Fuck yes...please.

Twilight had to intervene before her eardrums exploded with useless bullshit.

Twilight: I'm sooooo so so sorry, but you need to fuck off and leave me and Spike alone. I'm staying in this piece of shit treehouse and my poor poor little baby dragon is just beat. That's right. Plum tuckered.

Spike: No I'm not.

Twilight bucked Spike off of him and he landed hard on the ground busting his ass.

Twilight: Aww! Look at this shit! He soo sweepy he can't even keep his bawance!

Fluttershy scooped Spike up like a badass.

Fluttershy: You poor bastard. You must get some sleep.

She flew into the house, and Twilight pushed her back out.

Twilight: Yeah yeah, now get out of my house! Goodnight bitch!

She slammed the door right in Fluttershy's face.

Fluttershy: I'm gonna murder that asshole.

* * *

Inside it was just Spike and Twilight.

Spike: Could you be any more of an asshole?

Twilight: As a matter of fact, I could. But fuck that, I have to convince the princess that Nightmare Moon is coming back. I have to stop her! I need to be alone without a bunch of stupid ass hicks all over the place. Where the fuck is the light?

The lights turned on to reveal like 50 ponies crammed in Twilight's library.

Everypony: SURPRISE!

Twiligh: AAGGGHHHHH! Fuck!

Pinkie Pie: Surprise new pony that I've never seen before! I'm Pinkie Pie and I'm so high right now! I'm so stoked, so pumped for anything and everything. Were you surprised huh huh? Were you? Were you? You wan't some coke? You want some coke?

Twilight: Yeah, Very surprised asshole! Libraries are supposed to be quiet you pot head.

Pinkie Pie: What kind of welcome party would this be if we were all, "quiet" huh? Thats soooo fucking lame. I saw you when you first got here, but I thought you were a ghost so I ran away. Remember, you said, "hello" And I was all like, "HOLY SHIT!" remember that? Huh huh? REMEMBER? I've never seen you before, and that means I throw parties to new ponies. I know everypony. Hell, I deal to everypony.

At this point, Twilight wanted to die. She went over to a table with liquor on it and poured the whole thing in it. Pinkie continued to ramble on and on about the most stupidest shit ever. With every word, Twilight took a sip of hard ass liquor.

Pinkie Pie: Look, I invited everyone in Ponyville. See, now you have a lot of friends!

Twilight's face started to grow red hot. Little did she know she was drinking "hot damn" rum and it had extra hot and twice the damn in it! Her face turned red as hell.

Applejack: Did ya drink too much sugarcube?

Twilight: FUUUCKKK!

Twilight sped off to find some water to cool her tongue off.

Pinkie Pie: Ha haaa ha! She's so fucked up right now. We'll I guess she's not the only one!

Spike picked up the bottle and read it.

Spike: Hot Damn.

Pinkie Pie poured that shit all over a cupcake, then she downed it like nothing at all. Everyone stared at her.

Pinkie Pie: What?! It's fucking amazing!

* * *

Twilight was trying to get some sleep with that party still raving downstairs. Spike came in her room.

Spike: Hey Twilight. Pinkie Pie is making out with Braeburn in front of everypony. Your gonna miss it!

Twilight: Spike! I don't. GIVE. A. FUCK! These ponies in this town are crazy! Do you have any idea what fucking time it is, or are you too drunk to  
tell the time?

Spike: Dude, everypony has to party all night, or they are gonna miss the princess raise the sun for the summer sun celebration. It's a party.

Twilight. (mimicking) Oh Twilight! Everypony has to party...summer sun celebration...FUCK! I thought I would have time to learn about those elements of  
harmony, but fuck no! Not in inbreadville. All this bullshit friend making has kept me from it.

Twilight rolls over and looks at the moon. She starts to calm down a little bit. She whispers to herself

Twilight: Legend has it that on the longest day of the thousanth year, the stars will aid in her escape! And she will bring about everlasting night! Fuck I hope the princess was right, or we are all fucked!

Spike interruped again.

Spike: Twilight come on! The suns fixing to rise. Get your sweet flank out here quick!

* * *

All of the ponies gathered at the town hall, where they could watch the sunrise together. Isn't that sweet?

Pinkie Pie: Isn't this shit gonna be trippy! I know it will be! It's gonna be sick as hell man! Its gonna be better than that...

Twilight: SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH!

The birds started to sing, which meant that it was starting. Mayor Mare stepped up on stage.

Mayor Mare: Fillies and Gentlecolts. As mayor of Ponyville, it is my great pleasure to announce the beginning of the summer sun celebration!

Everypony cheered loudly for Mayor Mare.

Mayor Mare: In a few moments, our town will witness the magic of the sunrise and celebrate the longest day of the year! And now, it is my great honor to  
introduce to you the ruler of our land...

Twilght looked to the moon and saw the mare in the moon disappear.

Twilight: (thinking) Oh shit!

Mayor Mare: ...Princess Celestia!

Fanfare started playing as Rarity herself revealed the princess...who wasn't there.

Twilight: I knew it! This shit is gonna be bad!

All of the ponies could only stare in absolute confusion. They whispered quietly to themselves.

Mayor Mare: Everybody chill out. There must be a good explanation why she's not here yet!

Pinkie Pie: Oh oh! I love guessing games! They are so awesome dude!

Rarity walked to an awning to tell the ponies the bad news.

Rarity: The bitch is gone!

Everyone gasped and flipped shit!

Pinkie Pie: Oh damn, she's good! AAAHHH!

Twilight: Oh fuck...

Where princess Celestia should have been, a starry fog showed up, and then BOOM!

Twilight: ...Nightmare moon!

Spike, being the pansy that he is, passed out off Twilight's back.

Nightmare Moon: Look at all these pathetic, useless subjects. It's been a while since I raised hell hasn't it?

Rainbow Dash: What the fuck did you do with our princess huh?

Rainbow Dash was gonna kick her ass, but Applejack was too drunk to not let go of her tail.

Nightmare Moon: Ha ha ha ha! Why, am I not royal enough for you? Huh? Don't you know who I am?

Pinkie Pie: Dude...I'm freaking out. Shit is too real!

Nightmare Moon: Nobody knows who I am, because I was imprisoned in the moon! It sucks there! It's so  
cold, and there's no air! Did no one recall the legend? Everyone forgot?

Twilight: I did'nt you bitch! I know who the fuck you are! Your that bitch mare in the moon! You are Nightmare Moon!

At the sound of, "Nightmare Moon!" Everyone started to gasp, and become spooked.

Nightmare Moon: Well, well, well. Someone who remembers me. Then I guess you know why I'm here.

Twilight: Hell yeah. Your here to fuck up everything and your gonna...Your gonna...

Nightmare Moon: Muhahahah! Remember this day you pests, for it was your last under the sun. From this moment on, the night will last, FOREVER! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! AAAHAHA!

Lightning struck all over the place which was quite scary as shit! Twilight thought to herself deeply. She tried to warn her princess, but she didn't  
listen. Now, would they pay dearly for it?


End file.
